A Curly Girl's: Product Jackpot!- Herbal Essences Hydralicious Conditioner

I've found a gold mine for my hair, and it was definitely by chance.

Here's the story:
I was 2/3 of the way through my bottle of Tresemme, hoping it would be empty soon so I could start on a bottle of Garnier Sleek and Shine Conditioner, when I gave up the process and bought a bottle of Garnier at Walmart. It definitely worked wonders for my hair, but I knew it wasn't my product.
So shortly after I went on a rampage to clean my apartment...I was just up to my wit's end and I needed to get crackin' on some cleaning right away, I went into CVS to buy some cleaning products that were on sale, and passed by the hair product aisle to see if any of my old faithfuls (Garnier, etc), were on sale. As I walked down the aisle, a cute bottle of a creamy purple hued substance caught my eye.

I'm no girl for advertising tricks with pretty packaging and a worthless product, but for $2.88, and the wonderful things I've heard about Herbal Essences Hydralicious and Totally Twisted, I thought I'd give it a try.

I had already washed my hair that week with ACV & Garnier, but after all that cleaning I did, I felt compelled to wash my hair again and try the conditioner out with a co-wash. Glorious I say, glorious.

I've tried a new showering and washing routine which involves rinsing my hair with very cold water and combing the front section towards the front of my head with a shower comb. I then apply conditioner to my hair in 4 sections. It really helps distribute the product evenly through my hair. I then comb the conditioner through, leave on for 5 minutes while I wash, shave, etc, and then rinse out. Since I planned on french braiding my hair that night, I applied very little extra conditioner and stepped out the shower. When I looked into the mirror, my hair was so so shiny!

I proceeded to put my hair in 5 french braids and wore it for 2 days. Then I wore it with a side part and it was really pretty and wavy. I love the way my hair looks when I take out french braids but its a little bit of work that I'm not always interested in. Lol.

Definitely forgot to take pics but my hair was sooooo soft! Too bad I was so lazy and just threw it in a bun the next day or I would of had some beautiful hair for a few days.
Anywhoozers, I'm loving the conditioner and I definitely plan on using it again! I might be on to something people. I'm excited!

Diets & Lifestyle Changes

I've dieted a million times, but I can only recall one other lifestyle change besides the one I am experiencing now.

I was 15 and lost 60 pounds with Weight Watchers. I was MY thin- 160 pounds; a curvy size 8. I felt like I looked amazing!
I was getting so many compliments and praises. My best girlfriend at the time hated on me relentlessly. At some points I ate only 800 calories a day, and was completely satisfied. I felt like my family was proud of me.
I FELT SO UGLY.
Low self-esteem has been my truth for a long time.
A million people could tell me I'm beautiful. Women of all races would stop me and tell me how gorgeous I am.
At age 16, I remember when I came out of anesthesia after getting my tonsils out, and my reaction, my raw emotion, was to burst into tears until I hyperventilated. My mother almost cried too until I became fully conscious and remembered what was happening. And as my mother and the nurse wheeled me out the outpatient center, I remember how 3 nurses walked up to my chair to tell me how beautiful I was. To bask in all my beauty. Had nothing to say but how pretty I was and moved on.
At age 19, a woman stopped me in a casino of all places, telling me she's a makeup artist, and hair stylist, a woman in the beauty industry, telling me how beautiful I was.
Until she passed, my grandmother always told me how beautiful I was, I looked like her. I look like her. Those "Hick's girls", the crowd stunners, crowd pleasers. Some of the most beautiful fair-skinned black women I have ever met, my grandmother and her sisters, my great aunts. I was a part of that.
My father's sisters, one of the most presence-grabbing, attention getters I have ever met. An actress, with one of the most full, beautiful faces I've ever seen. Lips that were just as full as mine. Hips that were full like mine.
Shortly after I lost 60 pounds, the man I loved more than life left me. I suffocated the life out of him, hoping he would give life to me. Instead he had some other woman blow life into him.
I was crushed.
That was the straw that broke the camels back. Life was spiraling forward ever since...since I realized he wasn't worth me. Since I realized he wasn't worthy. He was what he was- my man, the man I loved more than life, but only I made him that. I was not ready to feed this man my whole spirit, and I did. I left myself nothing but heartache and a bucket full of tears.
But who's to say who's lucky?
As I progress into a state of physical, and most importantly, mental well-being, I can truly say I'm blessed to have my full mind back.
I've relinquished some of the fears of my self-image. Tried my best to fulfill my life with loving friends and relationships, and I must say, I have, for the most part, exceled past my own beliefs.
I'm not perfect.
Before, after, or in-between.
But I know, progress is always forward-moving. And with that in mind, I can always succeed.
Minus 46 pounds and my heart dances with every color love. There are still some things I want in my life, but in time I will get them.
Life is an oyster for me to crack. Delicious, I say, delicious.

Who is She?

When I was finding myself, I called myself (in my head and to the few I loved at the time) the pheonix.
Not only because I felt mystical and beautiful finding the real me,
But because I couldn't find a place to rest.

My heart, mind, body, and soul had no place to lay their burdens down,
And I found myself as just a fiery heart full of love,
Soaring around a star-sprinkled sky.

I learned a lot of things in the recent years about myself that I was afraid to face.
A lot of insecurities that I didn't know how to deal with, or how to tackle without whittling myself down to the core.

I'm so afraid of doing that. Because I am a vulnerable, withered heart as it is, and I just couldn't take myself through the process. I genuinely admire all that do.

My hair became the last piece to the puzzle,
My puzzle that bound me to this Earth of social pressures and expectations unwillingly,
Because it was the key to the lock that closed my mind and stiffled my soul.

I don't know exactly where I'm going right now, but I have more direction than I did before.

Untitled.

If love could be personified into one person, I know that person could be me.

Soul Searching

I woke up with an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I wasn't hungry.
I wasn't thirsty.

I think I just needed love.

I don't think I've ever understood how to find it.
If you look for it, or if it just finds you.

And when it finds me, I never understand what to do with it.

Like when its not around, I still look for it like it disappeared.
I have abandonment issues.

Why's it seem like love can leave me as fast as it came?

Why does love leave me sometimes, as fast as it came?

I wish I couldn't say I was the same girl my father abused emotionally, but I am.

I'm the same girl in some other woman's skin.

I'm independant, self-sufficient, self-motivated, but I still manage to be insecure.

I can't fight past these lonely feelings anymore.

I'm way too vulnerable and it hurts, like this empty feeling I know I still have inside.

There's no amount of life or space or time, that can fill it.

I drink a glass of water and that glass was always some kind of empty.

I'm the realist girl you'll ever meet, because I live on Front Street and its easy to find me.

You can always come around and it scares me.

I'm hurt by it.

You can always find me, but where is love?
Where did it go?
Did it leave and convince me that you are the same?
Or are you just a trace of something it left behind?

I'm out of my mind, crazy again.
Past the infactuation phase?
Never.
Let's stay together.
I beg you.

You're always leaving.
You left me alone.
And I can fend for myself,
But I've never understood the process.

I process these feelings often,
Because its what makes me,
The woman-girl I am and have always been.

My name means God's gift, but gift to whom?
Who will be my heaven-sent gentleman?
I always feel like I've found him and then abuse him emotionally like I've been.
So innocently misleading,
I've never meant to hurt you,
I hurt, me.
So often, I cry in my pillow.
My soul cries.
I can't hear it.
That silent killer.
Delivering and instilling my worst fears to date.

My soul is crying again,
Out in the open.
The world sees,
Stop embarrassing me.
This constant betrayal,
That is the mind-heart dichotomy.
Love me.
Leave me alone.

Because I think I know you.
You have to
Abuse me
Repeatedly
Because that was always love.
A real love I wish I could know

When I see it, so it can't escape me anymore.

Zumba & Flirty Girl Fitness: Let the Sweating Begin!

Usually, my workouts consist of tons of walking (and I mean tons!), yoga, cardio step and dancing, and as a new addition, jump rope workouts. It really helps to switch up my routine and add new types of workouts to not only develop more overall fitness, but to keep me from getting bored.

I love trying new things, as far as fitness is concerned, when I initially heard about Zumba, it peeked my interest. I watched a few videos of Zumba online, and it looked like something that could be fun, so I proceeded to go to Zumba's online website and look up some classes.

I found a class once upon a time, but never was bold enough to go and try it alone.

Ironically, about 2 weeks ago, a good friend of mine brought Zumba up and said she'd like to go to a class. I excitedly replied yes and we made plans to find a local class. We found one about 15 minutes walking distance from my apartment that was open on Saturdays, and proceeded to make plans last Saturday to attend the class.

Wow, did we realize what we were in for?

We got to the class and there were only about three or four girls there...Thank goodness because there weren't as many people to look completely uncoordinated in front of lol. Anyways, we proceeded to go through the class...boy, do you need tons of stamina for Zumba. It's not like being in the club...dancing your heart out and all...you are dancing non-stop for 10 minutes at a time at a pretty fast pace. Now what we didn't know until we got there is that it was a 1-hour combination class between Zumba and Flirty Girl Fitness...BONUS!

But as tired as I was after Zumba (which was hard, but sooooooooo fun!), I didn't know if I could make it through another half hour for Flirty Girl Fitness. So after about a half liter of water, I proceeded to try and make it through Flirty Girl Fitness. It wasn't that it was hard, but as hard as I was sweating, and as tired as my body was, I barely made it through it.

After the class, I was exhausted! I don't think I've worked out that hard in a long time. I walked back home from the class (because the trolley was 2 blocks down the street when I missed it, and I was not running lol), and I might of left my feet somewhere 3 blocks before my house because they definitely fell off lol.

I patted myself on the back, treated myself to a delicious smoothie of mango, pineapple, strawberries, and cantalope, and fell out on my bed.

Four hours of headache later, I realized I should of waited for the trolley because I definitely overexerted myself.

Whew!

I would love to go to the class again, but its awesome that now I know what I'm in for: a soaked through tank top, burning feet, and exhaustion.

Gotta love fitness! lol

A Curly Girl's: Thoughts on Picking Products & 2-Year Nappiversary!

Well I didn't even have the chance to realize it, but I have been natural for 2 years! (Claps hands) I first decided to stop relaxing on August 1, 2008, and haven't looked back since. This has been quite a journey of triumphs and tribulations, but I am so extremely happy I decided to take it. I think my natural hair has helped me evolve. I know a lot of people don't think its that deep, but I don't care, because it was for me. My hair was really important to me because I was so self-conscious. I love myself in a new way now because my hair is a different part of me, it functions as an extension of my soul.

As I always say: I'm loving life now in a new way.

Now, for my thoughts on products. Natural hair is so awesome because everyone's is different. Its as different as each person's DNA. I say this because sometimes its a gift and sometimes its a little difficult. Everyone's hair is different, so it responds to different things. Often my friends ask me what products I use in my hair. I answer, but with some apprehension. I understand they want to know how I acheive various styles, and the methods are awesome to know, but the products may not really be of any service to them. I try to give my reccomendations, but sadly, I can't promise anything.

In case anyone was wondering...

My favorite conditioner right now is Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine (I just bought Tresemme because I used to use it all the time, but I don't love it as much as I used to, and I'm wishing I bought another bottle of Garnier because it provides awesome slip and really helps define some of the tighter coils on my head), and I usually co-wash with conditioner or use apple cider vinegar, which is my all time favorite way to cleanse my scalp (see "A Curly Girl's: Thoughts on Shampooing and Washing"). I shampoo on occasion when the "cones" seem to build up, which is usually anywhere from once a month, to every month and a half. I use the shampoo directly on my scalp, and try my best not to get too much on my hair because I haven't bought any sulfate-free shampoo yet, so its pretty drying. Great for cleansing my scalp, but for curly hair, not so much.

I tend to wear my hair in curly fros, twists and twist-outs, or use the doodle method (which I love!).

I've discovered a couple new ways I like wearing my hair like half-up and half-down (which I've only actually done like twice...I like it), side buns (which is a cute, fast way to do my hair), and the option of using banana clips to hold up my ponytails (which I have yet to try).

Yay! For forward progress...and the happy trails I've experienced on my journeys to Enlightenment and even more beautiful natural hair!

The Folklore

I'm an epic beauty
An epic untold

Word of mouth is how you heard about me.

Sensationalistic
Characteristics
Melting out of curved lips
And child-bearing hips

Honey dip, you say?
Honey, can you come play?

Frolic in brown meadows
Lovely
Beautiful
Hedonistic?
Pleasure bountiful

Maybe...

Fingertips grazing through a one-minute maze.

Amazed?

Tricks for even Houdini's mastery,
Mistifying.

How that pheonix flies,
Rebirth me.

Relive it.
Over and over.
Reincarnate.
Situate.

It's an urban delicacy.
Or maybe a falicy?

Dreadfully mysterious.
Curious.
But it always kills every cat, every time.

Getting Down to Six Flags Weight!

It's sad to say but I'm saying it: Six Flags is not for fat people.

I hate that word, but that is how I felt the last time I was there: FAT.

Huge, ginormous, disgusting, ridiculously...FAT.

The rides are just all so small, or maybe I was just too big.

Everything I wanted to get on was such a challenge.

If I fit, I barely fit, and if I didn't fit, I was given a ticket for another ride that had "larger seats".

Who said I wanted to fit in a larger seat?

It was so embarassing feeling like the ride operators had to struggle to secure my seat.

Gosh I hate reliving those memories.

I was sad and big and wanted to leave that amusement park because I wasn't amused at all!

WELL THOSE DAYS ARE OVER!

I'm down 44.5 pounds and almost at Six Flags weight, or at least the weight I feel will keep me from being embarassed while trying to get on the rides.

I made a promise, to get down to Six Flags weight so I could attend Fright Fest...see you there if you're going! ;)

A Perfect Fit

I've been on a great handful of interviews, but have never really auditioned for a career. I've always imagined the perfect interview suit.

Wide leg trousers with a button-tab, maybe tweed, and a crease down the middle, lightly gracing my well-selected professional heels.

A matching suit jacket, with three buttons and magnificently tailored, falling gently at mid-hip.

A wonderful blouse, ruffly and gorgeous, delicate and powerful...that's how my interview suit is going to be.

That's how it will be.

When I audition for a new path in my life...September 12, I'm waiting on you!

Picasso

I think people don't understand me, because there is nothing to understand.
I'm a blank canvas,
Lying on an easel
Waiting to be painted on
By my creator

I want bright hues
And night skies
And red passion
And blue winds
And a marigold sun
Just like out the crayon box

Scribble all over me

Completely

Decorate me in a ridiculous array

Marry me

My beautiful canvas

Mark it "NFS"- not for sale

And keep me forever

Drown in these cans of paint
And live with me forever

Deep into the darkness where everything is black

Because its painted with every single shade
Of love